Could I start again as a hetero??

Being gay is hard to be sometimes. I was wondering if I could start my life over as a heterosexual female. Let's say I moved where no one knew me, I could start an "easier" life being a heterosexual. Where marriage or dating someone in the military isn't an issue. Where I don't have to worry about having to "come out" about my boyfriend. I'm not making a statement by merely shopping with my significant other in the mall. I don't have to worry about people staring because they don't think I look "normal."

Personally, could I ever be happy with a man? Would I secretly long for a woman? Would I ever feel comfortable in a man's arms or kissing one? Could I have sex with one? I don't know. It would be easier to be heterosexual.

I'm aware of the feeling. The feeling that you get when people tell you that they love you and they "don't mind" that you're gay or it doesn't "bother them," but you know in the back of their minds that they think you're weird or "different." It sucks, it makes you still feel like even though you came out that you still can't be out because you don't want to see, feel, or hear their true sentiments, you want to hold on to the original lie they told you at the beginning. It's nicer. It's better. It's just a lie. Sometimes you're just waiting to hear them say, "Look, I know I told you I was ok with it, but I'm not. I'm sorry."

Sometimes I wish I could fit into what's considered to be "normal" to society, but that's not what makes me happy. Oh well...you can't win 'em all.