FCKH8 Campaign...

This made me happy. "Don't fuck with my two gay dads."

My reality

This is what it boils down to. My reality, if my play my cards correctly and aggressively, can be what my dreams are. It will just take a lot of work.

Creating my 5 year plan, I think, was one of the best things that I've ever done. It's helping me to constantly remind myself of what I plan to accomplish every day, step by step, and remind me that everything takes time. Every day keep working and trying.

My dreams and my reality can be the same thing.

Decision: Dreams or Reality

This is what it comes down to. It comes down to a choice between what we dream to do/become or what we have to do which isn't generally what we want.

For me, at this moment in my life, I feel like I'm having to give up everything I want in order to survive. It's a constant battle of the "Big Picture." Am I miserable because I'm giving up the things I want right now because it makes more sense to accomplish my goals in the "big picture."
What door do I choose? Can I walk back through the door if it doesn't work out? Would I get another chance?

I often get mad because I feel like the reason why I have to make these decisions between reality and my dreams is because of society. It's gotten so fuzzy to determine exactly what my dreams are anymore.

Michelle Rodriguez

She can be my wife. I heard she's had a girlfriend...or at least a girl toy. For the record, I'll willingly be either, Michelle.

Stayceyann Chin "Feminist or Womanist?"

This is so amazing. Her voice gives me goosebumps. I love it.

Could I start again as a hetero??

Being gay is hard to be sometimes. I was wondering if I could start my life over as a heterosexual female. Let's say I moved where no one knew me, I could start an "easier" life being a heterosexual. Where marriage or dating someone in the military isn't an issue. Where I don't have to worry about having to "come out" about my boyfriend. I'm not making a statement by merely shopping with my significant other in the mall. I don't have to worry about people staring because they don't think I look "normal."

Personally, could I ever be happy with a man? Would I secretly long for a woman? Would I ever feel comfortable in a man's arms or kissing one? Could I have sex with one? I don't know. It would be easier to be heterosexual.

I'm aware of the feeling. The feeling that you get when people tell you that they love you and they "don't mind" that you're gay or it doesn't "bother them," but you know in the back of their minds that they think you're weird or "different." It sucks, it makes you still feel like even though you came out that you still can't be out because you don't want to see, feel, or hear their true sentiments, you want to hold on to the original lie they told you at the beginning. It's nicer. It's better. It's just a lie. Sometimes you're just waiting to hear them say, "Look, I know I told you I was ok with it, but I'm not. I'm sorry."

Sometimes I wish I could fit into what's considered to be "normal" to society, but that's not what makes me happy. Oh well...you can't win 'em all.

Swimming Pool by Freezepop

In true sentimental fashion, I found a new song that I love and have been listening to incessantly. It's really just beautiful. I originally got it from the L Word anyway, but it was a moment between Tasha and Alice. Here is the video. The song starts at 7:26.



However their dynamic is another topic I will be addressing sometime.

The good fight

I think that it's really a shame when people don't have the courage to stick up for themselves. Maybe it's an over all lack of self confidence. I used to have that when I still used to listen to my parents, in return I turned rather gothic. Haha...good old high school. Anyhow, especially I think think rebelling against the parents are the first ones that you generally face. They have so much power, and it's up to the child to stand up and say what they want. Not every parent has the kid's best interest at heart, believes in the dreams of their children, or thinks that "children need to make their own decisions." I think it's something that you have to, in one way or another, fight for. It's a crucial lesson to learn. Learning how to fight.

In my experience, not every parent knows the best way to fight either. The approach is crucial to success. For example, my mother simply used guilt. It's easy, but not effective long term. I got tired of her using it, and became immune to it (for the most part). The biggest problem is when the child has no confidence to fight. They settle into mediocrity and lack the "grit" to see their desires through so as to avoid the fight. Maybe it's because after the other person "loses," they are mad at you. I don't know. Either way it goes, fighting the good fight is the little war life wages with you everyday to see if you deserved to live it. Nothing irritates me more than when people just give up, are afraid to even try, or let other people get them down and lose their ambition.

The average person gives up when things start getting tough or they reach an obstacle, when that is precisely the time to show that you have what it takes. I hate when people take the easy way out especially when they are moments away from realizing their dreams. It takes courage. Sometimes you have to look life in the face and tell it to "bring it on."

Behar: Prayer 'Takes the Place of Thinking'

This discussion might just end up being a chicken and egg argument. Valid points on both ends, but you just can't win it. As most of you probably assumed, I really see where Behar is going with this:

"Faith is something that you feel," Behar said. "Thinking is something that you do with your brain. It's different."

Behar's criticism of prayer riled co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who challenged the attack.

BEHAR: When prayer takes the place of logical thinking, then I think it's dangerous.

HASSELBECK: Prayer's not illogical.

BEHAR: No. But it takes the place of thinking.

HASSELBECK: No it doesn't. That's a complete bigoted statement to say that when I'm praying, I'm not thinking.

BEHAR: How dare you say that to me! Excuse me!


Now, I was a little bit shocked to see that someone else who has the same issue with religion that I do. It's all boils down to "faith". Many Christians say that I just don't understand it so they will "pray for me" because they are good Christians in an attempt to be sarcastic and passive. When they do that, it's because they don't have an answer. Their answer is faith. It's that feeling of reassurance that they have gotten because of their devotion to something. I can understand that I guess. I FEEL orgasms, but I don't see them but I KNOW they happened. Haha...ok maybe a little extreme, but it made me laugh.

Here's my argument as to why Behar has a good point. Follow me:

Emotions are known to be irrational and therefore illogical. People FEEL faith(which is an emotion). The core of religion is faith. Prayer is a tool people use in religion for religion. A lot of the "miracles" of the Bible cannot be explained (or proven). In times of need and/or desperation people turn to prayer. Prayer gives them an answer. Now, if the answer MAKES sense, then that's fine, but there are times when the answer doesn't make any sense, and the only support for it is religion which is based on faith WHICH is a feeling that is an emotion.

It's the same way people get sucked into cults and business cults(pyramid schemes). There's a need or desperation to change one's circumstances. That's it. People do a lot of things in order to let STRANGERS tell you how to run your life or to make your decisions for you. There are very few people that remember their faith until something serious is happening (ie: life/death scenario, extreme poverty, etc). People even make promises to their god in exchange for a situation turning out favorably for them.

Now I believe there are people out there that this just doesn't apply to. There are some people that are genuinely good "christian" people. I only know a few that apply everything they learn into every aspect of their lives routinely. No matter what. So, in that respect, I can see why prayer is logical to them, but I still have to agree with Behar on this one.

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

This video was really amazing to me. It was long, but worth it. It kinda makes me feel bad that I get down over stupid shit sometimes.


Randy Pausch
(October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008)