Watching Mary Magdalene

When I studied abroad, I was obsessed with this artist. Her most popular songs are "Fool of me" from 'Love and Basketball' and "Trust". "Trust" is VERY sexual and can make any environment into an opportunity for a mistake...or the inevitable. However, "Mary Magdalene" always grabbed me. I think it has it's own level of mental struggle. I think my favorite line is "spend one night with me, satisfy me for free and I'll love you endlessly."



The sexuality of Me'Shell Ndegeocello has always been up and down. I think, based on some of her tracks, that her attraction to people is "gender free." Perhaps.

Either way. Enjoy.

Natural barrier

I find it incredibly unfortunate that though Americans have access to learn so much about other cultures they don't. Other countries are fighting for an opportunity to speak their minds or/and learn about other perspectives and concepts that don't exist in their own countries, and Americans don't even try to learn because their lives are consumed with the "capitalistic race." That's how it started with me too. My parents drove doing well in school so I could be successful, not to actually learn anything. I wasn't learning to be actually "like" anything I was learning, I was learning to "choose" something to be successful in. I was reading Elpais.com and noticed that these topics wouldn't stand a fighting chance to make it into the American news.

To be honest, the average American I talk to thinks it's funny that they don't like to read and that they find the news boring. The average American and built a natural barrier around them that blocks any information that blocks out any information that they believe doesn't involve them.

"Globalization (or globalisation) describes the process by which regional economies, societies, and cultures have become integrated through a global network of political ideas through communication, transportation, and trade. The term is most closely associated with the term economic globalization: the integration of national economies into the international economy through trade, foreign direct investment, capital flows, migration, the spread of technology, and military presence.[1] However, globalization is usually recognized as being driven by a combination of economic, technological, sociocultural, political, and biological factors.[2] The term can also refer to the transnational circulation of ideas, languages, or popular culture through acculturation. An aspect of the world which has gone through the process can be said to be globalized.

It's been an ongoing process for other countries to partake in this feat called "globalization" because it's an important to continue to compete in the world's competition for power. However, I believe that because Americans have been too spoiled, selfish, and proud the long term damage of not paying attention to other countries and their circumstances creates and sustains a level of animosity and tension among other countries and the United States. To not even read about the conditions of other countries shows America's own ignorance. I am not looking forward to when Americans will have to pay attention because it will affect their everyday life.

FCKH8 Campaign...

This made me happy. "Don't fuck with my two gay dads."

My reality

This is what it boils down to. My reality, if my play my cards correctly and aggressively, can be what my dreams are. It will just take a lot of work.

Creating my 5 year plan, I think, was one of the best things that I've ever done. It's helping me to constantly remind myself of what I plan to accomplish every day, step by step, and remind me that everything takes time. Every day keep working and trying.

My dreams and my reality can be the same thing.

Decision: Dreams or Reality

This is what it comes down to. It comes down to a choice between what we dream to do/become or what we have to do which isn't generally what we want.

For me, at this moment in my life, I feel like I'm having to give up everything I want in order to survive. It's a constant battle of the "Big Picture." Am I miserable because I'm giving up the things I want right now because it makes more sense to accomplish my goals in the "big picture."
What door do I choose? Can I walk back through the door if it doesn't work out? Would I get another chance?

I often get mad because I feel like the reason why I have to make these decisions between reality and my dreams is because of society. It's gotten so fuzzy to determine exactly what my dreams are anymore.

Michelle Rodriguez

She can be my wife. I heard she's had a girlfriend...or at least a girl toy. For the record, I'll willingly be either, Michelle.

Stayceyann Chin "Feminist or Womanist?"

This is so amazing. Her voice gives me goosebumps. I love it.

Could I start again as a hetero??

Being gay is hard to be sometimes. I was wondering if I could start my life over as a heterosexual female. Let's say I moved where no one knew me, I could start an "easier" life being a heterosexual. Where marriage or dating someone in the military isn't an issue. Where I don't have to worry about having to "come out" about my boyfriend. I'm not making a statement by merely shopping with my significant other in the mall. I don't have to worry about people staring because they don't think I look "normal."

Personally, could I ever be happy with a man? Would I secretly long for a woman? Would I ever feel comfortable in a man's arms or kissing one? Could I have sex with one? I don't know. It would be easier to be heterosexual.

I'm aware of the feeling. The feeling that you get when people tell you that they love you and they "don't mind" that you're gay or it doesn't "bother them," but you know in the back of their minds that they think you're weird or "different." It sucks, it makes you still feel like even though you came out that you still can't be out because you don't want to see, feel, or hear their true sentiments, you want to hold on to the original lie they told you at the beginning. It's nicer. It's better. It's just a lie. Sometimes you're just waiting to hear them say, "Look, I know I told you I was ok with it, but I'm not. I'm sorry."

Sometimes I wish I could fit into what's considered to be "normal" to society, but that's not what makes me happy. Oh well...you can't win 'em all.

Swimming Pool by Freezepop

In true sentimental fashion, I found a new song that I love and have been listening to incessantly. It's really just beautiful. I originally got it from the L Word anyway, but it was a moment between Tasha and Alice. Here is the video. The song starts at 7:26.



However their dynamic is another topic I will be addressing sometime.

The good fight

I think that it's really a shame when people don't have the courage to stick up for themselves. Maybe it's an over all lack of self confidence. I used to have that when I still used to listen to my parents, in return I turned rather gothic. Haha...good old high school. Anyhow, especially I think think rebelling against the parents are the first ones that you generally face. They have so much power, and it's up to the child to stand up and say what they want. Not every parent has the kid's best interest at heart, believes in the dreams of their children, or thinks that "children need to make their own decisions." I think it's something that you have to, in one way or another, fight for. It's a crucial lesson to learn. Learning how to fight.

In my experience, not every parent knows the best way to fight either. The approach is crucial to success. For example, my mother simply used guilt. It's easy, but not effective long term. I got tired of her using it, and became immune to it (for the most part). The biggest problem is when the child has no confidence to fight. They settle into mediocrity and lack the "grit" to see their desires through so as to avoid the fight. Maybe it's because after the other person "loses," they are mad at you. I don't know. Either way it goes, fighting the good fight is the little war life wages with you everyday to see if you deserved to live it. Nothing irritates me more than when people just give up, are afraid to even try, or let other people get them down and lose their ambition.

The average person gives up when things start getting tough or they reach an obstacle, when that is precisely the time to show that you have what it takes. I hate when people take the easy way out especially when they are moments away from realizing their dreams. It takes courage. Sometimes you have to look life in the face and tell it to "bring it on."