The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn, Some Fruits of Solitude, 1693
I have realized that I am a jealous person, and not the noticeably jealous, but the silently jealous. The kind that self destructs silently, all by myself. I don't even need help being jealous. I don't need my homegirls/homeboys telling bullshit to exacerbate the feeling, I do it all by myself. At times, I try little screams for attention, but they are rarely ever heard. It's like a messy battle. So to clean up my pitifulness, I allow my pride to step in and conceal the embarrassment. My pride sweeps up the worries and pitiful feelings. My pride edits all my future answers so that it "works." My pride shuts(or creates the illusion that it's shut) the door to the possibility of the object of affection being actually real/feasible. Ha. Take that, Emotion...until next time.
At least you understand yourself. So long as you're able to observe & analyse yourself from the outside like that, you should be able to control it somewhat right? If you understand yourself this much, you know when your jealousy is unjustified and when your imagination is running wild. When things like that run thru my head I have to check myself and say "chill out. chill until you have solid reason to worry" I'm a jealous person too except I express it as i feel it which makes me confrontational and controlling, but I'm only jealous when it comes to dating ppl who do shady things. For ppl like us I think it's imperitive that we find loyal trustworthy ppl... Yes, they do exist.
ReplyDeleteDo you have feelings of jealousy toward things outside of relationships? Like a status or an object that someone else gets? ... If so, I would say that might be an esteem issue. Like the pride you mentioned. Maybe you feel like you should get it, but u didn't, & so you won't feel the hurt of disappointment or failure or undeservingness your pride disgards it saying "I don't need this anyways" thus 'shutting the door'. Your pride isn't helping the jealousy or cleaning it up, it's making it worse by just concealing it.
I think you should start off understanding that you are priceless in worth and that you deserve what you want & that you won't stop untill you get it. Be thankful and happy with what you already have and that you're fortunate to be an attractive, intelligent, healthy woman. Don't worry about what others have, and don't close the door on something you want bc of the fear of your worries and imaginations. Wait till you have proof that it's definitely not right for you or that you need something else, or something like it somewhere else, before you close the door on something potentially good. I think it's better to humble yourself(discard unhealthy pride) & communicate the issues of your jealousy openly with the target of the problem so that they can either correct themselves to not contribute to that feeling, or offer you encouragement to get you to what they have. It's better for people to understand you so that you don't quietly self-destruct.
~ tygersoul
I can agree with most of that, but I don't necessarily believe that I should have to say anything to any particular person. Should I feel like expressing myself, there are other people and other ways in which to accomplish this, such as writing this blog entry.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for expression as a means of prevention of internal emotional decay, but I make sure that my outlet is one that doesn't leave me with regret.
Thanks for commenting.