You still just don't understand...

Even though Americans hear rumors of what other people in other countries think of us, we don't really internalize it because "who are they?" I will list this plainly so that it can be easily followed.

1. European believe that we are running our country incorrectly. I recently heard a very well respected educated European man say, "Sometimes we Europeans are sitting over here wishing that we could vote for you all so that you will make the right decision."
2. Europeans think we are all fat.
3. Europeans think that we all are workaholics.

My response:

1. Why are you Europeans "sitting over there wishing"? Hmmm...maybe perhaps because you need us. So shhh...let the grown ups think in peace. Don't you have countries too? How 'bout you get working on 'em.
2. Most of us are. So what?
   
3. We are. So what? Perhaps maybe that's why we are in the position that we're in.

Dear Europeans,

For those of you who continue try to show your superiority by pointing our flaws, just to let you know, we don't care what you think. We are capitalists. You earn what you get. If you don't earn it, you luck out and get it. The beautiful part about our country is that we have the fortunate opportunity, as citizens, to live our entire lives NOT caring about what your rainy day was like. We are individualists, we help those who show that they deserve it, if you can't handle it -tough break. Here's what it comes down to, if it doesn't affect our every day life - we don't have to care what happens.

Also, we are your scapegoats because of our rank. We invade, you get upset and cry. We don't invade, you get upset and cry. Just shut it up. Here's the deal, those are our tax dollars going to support all of that crap you whine about, I should hope we get a return on our investment. That's what it is. At times, you get us through guilt...yea we have a heart, but don't get too carried away.

Signed,

the fat capitalist

PS - I'm not fat.

All Saints Day: Rocco

BEST JOB EVER!

This truly makes one smile.

What the Focus?!

As I continue to go through life, I'm finding it harder to focus. You watch all these movies, and they seem to be able to do it just fine, but movies lapse the TRUE length of time they are supposed to be focused. They capture the interesting parts, not the boring parts. I guess the reason is something similar to how mainstream media/music only focus on the rich and the wealthy-looking. They don't show that they rented those cars and pieces of jewelry.

Let's be honest, being and staying focused is boring. It sucks. You miss out on going out with friends, spending your money on stupid shit like a larger TV, a new external hard drive, amp for your car. For those people that are attempting to make something bigger happen with their lives, they know exactly what I'm talking about. We work our butts off for results that might not even happen. You are working to "see if it will really work out." You infuse it with positivity, even though in the back of your head, you're thinking, "Oh shit."

As I begin to walk through a new phase of my life (something I worked hard to achieve), I find myself saying "Oh shit." I have been doing so many things at once for so long that to try to fathom just focusing on one thing seems impossible. In fact, I don't even know how to do that. So I have to continue doing what I do best. Taking a deep breath, and pretending that this is exactly what is supposed to happen. Every time something unexpected happens, take the moment in, and say "ok" and keep it going. "I KNEW that would happen. How unamusing."

In the beginning...

I remember when I had this overwhelming feeling of love and beauty. It was never anything I could put into words. I have been in love for a long time it feels like, but it existed without there being another person to trigger it. It just existed. However, I lost it. I didn't really miss it...at least I didn't think so. I think that feeling is the one that feels the best, but I prefer to never have.

I do remember when I went to Mexico, I listened to a lot of Me'Shell Ndegeocello, and I felt like by listening to her music, it continued to trigger that feeling. I was browsing Youtube, and came across this song. I never heard of it before because I was so focused on other songs. Anyhow, this is it.

Sexual Harassment in the workplace

I have been sexually harassed at every job that I've ever had, and it SUCKS! In my experience, it's been mostly from men. I just wanted to point out that it sucks. It happens even when you don't dress like a ho or say/entertain inappropriate conversation, it just happens. I remember dressing more like a shabby bum so as to bring less attention to myself, but that doesn't work. It's not that you have to be attractive, you just have to be what "they" want. "They" are predators. You didn't actually have to "do" anything. "They" do it all themselves. What really ticks me off are the women that don't want to believe you or say that, in some way, shape or form, you are enabling the situation. It's hard when the people that are supposed to be there to protect you don't want to hear it.

I quit my jobs only when the situation has gotten so bad that I don't feel comfortable being there. Like it's gotten so bad where you feel like you can't say anything to anybody.

My main option when I'm put in a horrible situation is to play it off like nothing happened, like "You're silly, man. It's all good." *hug* or *pat* I over compensate to make sure that a) they don't get violent and b) to make sure that they don't pick up on the fact that I'm completely mortified of you. If I freak out then you'll know there's a problem and might try to stay longer to "talk to me" or proactively start a lie to protect your name. Oh well...

I just wanted to express myself on that. It SUCKS!!

Watching Mary Magdalene

When I studied abroad, I was obsessed with this artist. Her most popular songs are "Fool of me" from 'Love and Basketball' and "Trust". "Trust" is VERY sexual and can make any environment into an opportunity for a mistake...or the inevitable. However, "Mary Magdalene" always grabbed me. I think it has it's own level of mental struggle. I think my favorite line is "spend one night with me, satisfy me for free and I'll love you endlessly."



The sexuality of Me'Shell Ndegeocello has always been up and down. I think, based on some of her tracks, that her attraction to people is "gender free." Perhaps.

Either way. Enjoy.

Natural barrier

I find it incredibly unfortunate that though Americans have access to learn so much about other cultures they don't. Other countries are fighting for an opportunity to speak their minds or/and learn about other perspectives and concepts that don't exist in their own countries, and Americans don't even try to learn because their lives are consumed with the "capitalistic race." That's how it started with me too. My parents drove doing well in school so I could be successful, not to actually learn anything. I wasn't learning to be actually "like" anything I was learning, I was learning to "choose" something to be successful in. I was reading Elpais.com and noticed that these topics wouldn't stand a fighting chance to make it into the American news.

To be honest, the average American I talk to thinks it's funny that they don't like to read and that they find the news boring. The average American and built a natural barrier around them that blocks any information that blocks out any information that they believe doesn't involve them.

"Globalization (or globalisation) describes the process by which regional economies, societies, and cultures have become integrated through a global network of political ideas through communication, transportation, and trade. The term is most closely associated with the term economic globalization: the integration of national economies into the international economy through trade, foreign direct investment, capital flows, migration, the spread of technology, and military presence.[1] However, globalization is usually recognized as being driven by a combination of economic, technological, sociocultural, political, and biological factors.[2] The term can also refer to the transnational circulation of ideas, languages, or popular culture through acculturation. An aspect of the world which has gone through the process can be said to be globalized.

It's been an ongoing process for other countries to partake in this feat called "globalization" because it's an important to continue to compete in the world's competition for power. However, I believe that because Americans have been too spoiled, selfish, and proud the long term damage of not paying attention to other countries and their circumstances creates and sustains a level of animosity and tension among other countries and the United States. To not even read about the conditions of other countries shows America's own ignorance. I am not looking forward to when Americans will have to pay attention because it will affect their everyday life.

FCKH8 Campaign...

This made me happy. "Don't fuck with my two gay dads."

My reality

This is what it boils down to. My reality, if my play my cards correctly and aggressively, can be what my dreams are. It will just take a lot of work.

Creating my 5 year plan, I think, was one of the best things that I've ever done. It's helping me to constantly remind myself of what I plan to accomplish every day, step by step, and remind me that everything takes time. Every day keep working and trying.

My dreams and my reality can be the same thing.

Decision: Dreams or Reality

This is what it comes down to. It comes down to a choice between what we dream to do/become or what we have to do which isn't generally what we want.

For me, at this moment in my life, I feel like I'm having to give up everything I want in order to survive. It's a constant battle of the "Big Picture." Am I miserable because I'm giving up the things I want right now because it makes more sense to accomplish my goals in the "big picture."
What door do I choose? Can I walk back through the door if it doesn't work out? Would I get another chance?

I often get mad because I feel like the reason why I have to make these decisions between reality and my dreams is because of society. It's gotten so fuzzy to determine exactly what my dreams are anymore.

Michelle Rodriguez

She can be my wife. I heard she's had a girlfriend...or at least a girl toy. For the record, I'll willingly be either, Michelle.

Stayceyann Chin "Feminist or Womanist?"

This is so amazing. Her voice gives me goosebumps. I love it.

Could I start again as a hetero??

Being gay is hard to be sometimes. I was wondering if I could start my life over as a heterosexual female. Let's say I moved where no one knew me, I could start an "easier" life being a heterosexual. Where marriage or dating someone in the military isn't an issue. Where I don't have to worry about having to "come out" about my boyfriend. I'm not making a statement by merely shopping with my significant other in the mall. I don't have to worry about people staring because they don't think I look "normal."

Personally, could I ever be happy with a man? Would I secretly long for a woman? Would I ever feel comfortable in a man's arms or kissing one? Could I have sex with one? I don't know. It would be easier to be heterosexual.

I'm aware of the feeling. The feeling that you get when people tell you that they love you and they "don't mind" that you're gay or it doesn't "bother them," but you know in the back of their minds that they think you're weird or "different." It sucks, it makes you still feel like even though you came out that you still can't be out because you don't want to see, feel, or hear their true sentiments, you want to hold on to the original lie they told you at the beginning. It's nicer. It's better. It's just a lie. Sometimes you're just waiting to hear them say, "Look, I know I told you I was ok with it, but I'm not. I'm sorry."

Sometimes I wish I could fit into what's considered to be "normal" to society, but that's not what makes me happy. Oh well...you can't win 'em all.

Swimming Pool by Freezepop

In true sentimental fashion, I found a new song that I love and have been listening to incessantly. It's really just beautiful. I originally got it from the L Word anyway, but it was a moment between Tasha and Alice. Here is the video. The song starts at 7:26.



However their dynamic is another topic I will be addressing sometime.

The good fight

I think that it's really a shame when people don't have the courage to stick up for themselves. Maybe it's an over all lack of self confidence. I used to have that when I still used to listen to my parents, in return I turned rather gothic. Haha...good old high school. Anyhow, especially I think think rebelling against the parents are the first ones that you generally face. They have so much power, and it's up to the child to stand up and say what they want. Not every parent has the kid's best interest at heart, believes in the dreams of their children, or thinks that "children need to make their own decisions." I think it's something that you have to, in one way or another, fight for. It's a crucial lesson to learn. Learning how to fight.

In my experience, not every parent knows the best way to fight either. The approach is crucial to success. For example, my mother simply used guilt. It's easy, but not effective long term. I got tired of her using it, and became immune to it (for the most part). The biggest problem is when the child has no confidence to fight. They settle into mediocrity and lack the "grit" to see their desires through so as to avoid the fight. Maybe it's because after the other person "loses," they are mad at you. I don't know. Either way it goes, fighting the good fight is the little war life wages with you everyday to see if you deserved to live it. Nothing irritates me more than when people just give up, are afraid to even try, or let other people get them down and lose their ambition.

The average person gives up when things start getting tough or they reach an obstacle, when that is precisely the time to show that you have what it takes. I hate when people take the easy way out especially when they are moments away from realizing their dreams. It takes courage. Sometimes you have to look life in the face and tell it to "bring it on."

Behar: Prayer 'Takes the Place of Thinking'

This discussion might just end up being a chicken and egg argument. Valid points on both ends, but you just can't win it. As most of you probably assumed, I really see where Behar is going with this:

"Faith is something that you feel," Behar said. "Thinking is something that you do with your brain. It's different."

Behar's criticism of prayer riled co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who challenged the attack.

BEHAR: When prayer takes the place of logical thinking, then I think it's dangerous.

HASSELBECK: Prayer's not illogical.

BEHAR: No. But it takes the place of thinking.

HASSELBECK: No it doesn't. That's a complete bigoted statement to say that when I'm praying, I'm not thinking.

BEHAR: How dare you say that to me! Excuse me!


Now, I was a little bit shocked to see that someone else who has the same issue with religion that I do. It's all boils down to "faith". Many Christians say that I just don't understand it so they will "pray for me" because they are good Christians in an attempt to be sarcastic and passive. When they do that, it's because they don't have an answer. Their answer is faith. It's that feeling of reassurance that they have gotten because of their devotion to something. I can understand that I guess. I FEEL orgasms, but I don't see them but I KNOW they happened. Haha...ok maybe a little extreme, but it made me laugh.

Here's my argument as to why Behar has a good point. Follow me:

Emotions are known to be irrational and therefore illogical. People FEEL faith(which is an emotion). The core of religion is faith. Prayer is a tool people use in religion for religion. A lot of the "miracles" of the Bible cannot be explained (or proven). In times of need and/or desperation people turn to prayer. Prayer gives them an answer. Now, if the answer MAKES sense, then that's fine, but there are times when the answer doesn't make any sense, and the only support for it is religion which is based on faith WHICH is a feeling that is an emotion.

It's the same way people get sucked into cults and business cults(pyramid schemes). There's a need or desperation to change one's circumstances. That's it. People do a lot of things in order to let STRANGERS tell you how to run your life or to make your decisions for you. There are very few people that remember their faith until something serious is happening (ie: life/death scenario, extreme poverty, etc). People even make promises to their god in exchange for a situation turning out favorably for them.

Now I believe there are people out there that this just doesn't apply to. There are some people that are genuinely good "christian" people. I only know a few that apply everything they learn into every aspect of their lives routinely. No matter what. So, in that respect, I can see why prayer is logical to them, but I still have to agree with Behar on this one.

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

This video was really amazing to me. It was long, but worth it. It kinda makes me feel bad that I get down over stupid shit sometimes.


Randy Pausch
(October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008)

Religion and Homosexuality

You and I both know people like in this next video exist in this world, our world. They are filled with so much conviction for their cause that it's really rather scary to know that they actually exist and we are looking at their faces...and their spawn. Spawn? Yea, I know probably a little harsh, but I don't approve of parents teaching their children hate. I don't approve of anyone judging anyone...especially me. Therefore, I think it's rather negative.

Additionally, I am actively trying to dispel the duality of good and evil. It's so ingrained that I rarely realize it. So I wouldn't want to say these people are evil, but to me, they threaten me and stand against everything that I believe in. Therefore, I will call them fanatics and I hope they don't allow their convictions to get the best of them.



This is intense...
Tyra is really gaining points in my book for shows like this.

Here's another one:

(BTW the lady in orange could get it all day!) :) Gay pt #1!!!



and a follow up:

Social experiment

After watching all five parts of the show, I was damn near ashamed of my community. To be honest, I don't feel as if I suffer from these issues because I just...like...women. I don't personally care if you're short, fat, anorexic, buck toothed, bow-legged, or whatever. If I think your "tractor is sexy" then your fuckin' tractor is sexy. Period.

I think labels cripple our community, if anything. It forces us to be in boxes which, in turn, create more opportunity for discrimination and bias.

I never knew Tyra put on these shows. Kudos Tyra.