The open road splits

I took a rather impromptu road trip with some of my friends, and I had an amazing time. I also felt like I was wasting my life, not because they had so much to do, but because this is made my dilemma more apparent. I've been try to figure out between two options for a long time: swallow my life up with work or just do nothing and live a life somewhat resembling a bohemian lifestyle. Here's the interesting thing, I believe I am scared to succeed or fail. I've been living a life in the middle, not really succeeding, not really failing, and to achieve anything other than that is terrifying.

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Anyhow, my trip was a eye opener for me, it gave me an opportunity to rethink so many aspects of my life, just sitting in the back listening to my friends speak incessently about business. It was refreshing, being somewhere that wasn't home, but you can't really travel without money. Business or pleasure?

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I look at this picture and I remember the open road. When I look at it now, it reminds me of the trip and how free I felt. Good times.

Deprivation

Sex, love, money, alcohol.

These things make the world go around for me and many others that I know. From the beginning, people have been telling me the if I followed a certain path, my life would pan out. There wouldn't be any hinderences or extreme obstacle to block my idea of happiness. I sat down with two of my friends, and were bowled over this topic for a while, trying to carefully choose our words. All three of us had graduated, it was rather close together, but still at different times. I began to explain to the anger and disappointment of how life was supposed to be. I argued that NO ONE told me growing up that even if you did everything that you're supposed to do to have a successful life doesn't mean you actually do. They lied and built me up for a future that might never be. My parents showed me houses that I might never, learned about professions that I might never get an opportunity to be, and gave me a false reality about my own potential to secure a happy stable future. College created a world for me that I never knew was out there. A world that included all those things I started this entry with.

I have made a plethora of mistakes based on the fact that I have felt deprived of them. I have made many decisions in order to get these things back, no matter the consequences. Because of these decisions, I found myself at a crossroad trying to figure out what my path is now, and who I want to be. Does everyone soul search after college?

The way I feel now is basically that I want all those things still, but none of them at the same time. I am in a state of unhappiness.