I took a rather impromptu road trip with some of my friends, and I had an amazing time. I also felt like I was wasting my life, not because they had so much to do, but because this is made my dilemma more apparent. I've been try to figure out between two options for a long time: swallow my life up with work or just do nothing and live a life somewhat resembling a bohemian lifestyle. Here's the interesting thing, I believe I am scared to succeed or fail. I've been living a life in the middle, not really succeeding, not really failing, and to achieve anything other than that is terrifying. .
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Anyhow, my trip was a eye opener for me, it gave me an opportunity to rethink so many aspects of my life, just sitting in the back listening to my friends speak incessently about business. It was refreshing, being somewhere that wasn't home, but you can't really travel without money. Business or pleasure?
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I look at this picture and I remember the open road. When I look at it now, it reminds me of the trip and how free I felt. Good times.
Not to trivialize your feelings, but when I was around 23/24 i felt similarly. I extremely duped and disappointed with life. And even depressed because my life wasn't how it was supposed to be or how I thought it would be. Luckily I had a boss who used all kinds of unique drugs, but she occaisonally had flashes of genius where she could really look at people and help their lives. She told me that I was a slacker and a loser and an underachiever. She asked me what I was going to do with my life and why I refused to seek more. And just as I was about to "go off on her" she said that what I was suffering from was a fear of success. i was sure she was babbling bs from her drug-induced stupor, but she continued to say that I don't have a fear of failure. Sometimes people say that or it looks that way, but what I had (and what it seems you have) is a fear of success. She said it was a problem among women especially, who were raised with certain expectations from family and friends weighing on them and the pressure or guilt they would feel from actually succeeding. And the pressure of figuring out what happens after success plagues them. Again I thought she was bs-ing me, but she bought some books for me. As I read them, they were actually the kick in the butt that I needed. They were could surprisingly identify my issue and what was wrong with me. Maybe you should take a look:
ReplyDelete-"Success and the fear of success in women"
-"Your own worst enemy"
-"Permission to succeed"
good one!!
ReplyDeleteA fear of success. That's an amazing revelation that I would have never thought of. It probably sizes me up to a T. Crazy. Thanks for the book suggestions!
ReplyDeleteRoad trips always serve as a good medicine for any kind of issue that you may be facing. Take many, but make sure that you don't find yourself running from your problems. Use them to strengthen you, and be sure to smile often. Even when you're not on the road.
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Thanks for comment Chellie! I agree...though it maybe hard at times to tell the difference between "getting away" and "running away", I do try to approach things a bit differently.
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