Natural barrier

I find it incredibly unfortunate that though Americans have access to learn so much about other cultures they don't. Other countries are fighting for an opportunity to speak their minds or/and learn about other perspectives and concepts that don't exist in their own countries, and Americans don't even try to learn because their lives are consumed with the "capitalistic race." That's how it started with me too. My parents drove doing well in school so I could be successful, not to actually learn anything. I wasn't learning to be actually "like" anything I was learning, I was learning to "choose" something to be successful in. I was reading Elpais.com and noticed that these topics wouldn't stand a fighting chance to make it into the American news.

To be honest, the average American I talk to thinks it's funny that they don't like to read and that they find the news boring. The average American and built a natural barrier around them that blocks any information that blocks out any information that they believe doesn't involve them.

"Globalization (or globalisation) describes the process by which regional economies, societies, and cultures have become integrated through a global network of political ideas through communication, transportation, and trade. The term is most closely associated with the term economic globalization: the integration of national economies into the international economy through trade, foreign direct investment, capital flows, migration, the spread of technology, and military presence.[1] However, globalization is usually recognized as being driven by a combination of economic, technological, sociocultural, political, and biological factors.[2] The term can also refer to the transnational circulation of ideas, languages, or popular culture through acculturation. An aspect of the world which has gone through the process can be said to be globalized.

It's been an ongoing process for other countries to partake in this feat called "globalization" because it's an important to continue to compete in the world's competition for power. However, I believe that because Americans have been too spoiled, selfish, and proud the long term damage of not paying attention to other countries and their circumstances creates and sustains a level of animosity and tension among other countries and the United States. To not even read about the conditions of other countries shows America's own ignorance. I am not looking forward to when Americans will have to pay attention because it will affect their everyday life.

FCKH8 Campaign...

This made me happy. "Don't fuck with my two gay dads."

My reality

This is what it boils down to. My reality, if my play my cards correctly and aggressively, can be what my dreams are. It will just take a lot of work.

Creating my 5 year plan, I think, was one of the best things that I've ever done. It's helping me to constantly remind myself of what I plan to accomplish every day, step by step, and remind me that everything takes time. Every day keep working and trying.

My dreams and my reality can be the same thing.

Decision: Dreams or Reality

This is what it comes down to. It comes down to a choice between what we dream to do/become or what we have to do which isn't generally what we want.

For me, at this moment in my life, I feel like I'm having to give up everything I want in order to survive. It's a constant battle of the "Big Picture." Am I miserable because I'm giving up the things I want right now because it makes more sense to accomplish my goals in the "big picture."
What door do I choose? Can I walk back through the door if it doesn't work out? Would I get another chance?

I often get mad because I feel like the reason why I have to make these decisions between reality and my dreams is because of society. It's gotten so fuzzy to determine exactly what my dreams are anymore.

Michelle Rodriguez

She can be my wife. I heard she's had a girlfriend...or at least a girl toy. For the record, I'll willingly be either, Michelle.

Stayceyann Chin "Feminist or Womanist?"

This is so amazing. Her voice gives me goosebumps. I love it.

Could I start again as a hetero??

Being gay is hard to be sometimes. I was wondering if I could start my life over as a heterosexual female. Let's say I moved where no one knew me, I could start an "easier" life being a heterosexual. Where marriage or dating someone in the military isn't an issue. Where I don't have to worry about having to "come out" about my boyfriend. I'm not making a statement by merely shopping with my significant other in the mall. I don't have to worry about people staring because they don't think I look "normal."

Personally, could I ever be happy with a man? Would I secretly long for a woman? Would I ever feel comfortable in a man's arms or kissing one? Could I have sex with one? I don't know. It would be easier to be heterosexual.

I'm aware of the feeling. The feeling that you get when people tell you that they love you and they "don't mind" that you're gay or it doesn't "bother them," but you know in the back of their minds that they think you're weird or "different." It sucks, it makes you still feel like even though you came out that you still can't be out because you don't want to see, feel, or hear their true sentiments, you want to hold on to the original lie they told you at the beginning. It's nicer. It's better. It's just a lie. Sometimes you're just waiting to hear them say, "Look, I know I told you I was ok with it, but I'm not. I'm sorry."

Sometimes I wish I could fit into what's considered to be "normal" to society, but that's not what makes me happy. Oh well...you can't win 'em all.

Swimming Pool by Freezepop

In true sentimental fashion, I found a new song that I love and have been listening to incessantly. It's really just beautiful. I originally got it from the L Word anyway, but it was a moment between Tasha and Alice. Here is the video. The song starts at 7:26.



However their dynamic is another topic I will be addressing sometime.

The good fight

I think that it's really a shame when people don't have the courage to stick up for themselves. Maybe it's an over all lack of self confidence. I used to have that when I still used to listen to my parents, in return I turned rather gothic. Haha...good old high school. Anyhow, especially I think think rebelling against the parents are the first ones that you generally face. They have so much power, and it's up to the child to stand up and say what they want. Not every parent has the kid's best interest at heart, believes in the dreams of their children, or thinks that "children need to make their own decisions." I think it's something that you have to, in one way or another, fight for. It's a crucial lesson to learn. Learning how to fight.

In my experience, not every parent knows the best way to fight either. The approach is crucial to success. For example, my mother simply used guilt. It's easy, but not effective long term. I got tired of her using it, and became immune to it (for the most part). The biggest problem is when the child has no confidence to fight. They settle into mediocrity and lack the "grit" to see their desires through so as to avoid the fight. Maybe it's because after the other person "loses," they are mad at you. I don't know. Either way it goes, fighting the good fight is the little war life wages with you everyday to see if you deserved to live it. Nothing irritates me more than when people just give up, are afraid to even try, or let other people get them down and lose their ambition.

The average person gives up when things start getting tough or they reach an obstacle, when that is precisely the time to show that you have what it takes. I hate when people take the easy way out especially when they are moments away from realizing their dreams. It takes courage. Sometimes you have to look life in the face and tell it to "bring it on."

Behar: Prayer 'Takes the Place of Thinking'

This discussion might just end up being a chicken and egg argument. Valid points on both ends, but you just can't win it. As most of you probably assumed, I really see where Behar is going with this:

"Faith is something that you feel," Behar said. "Thinking is something that you do with your brain. It's different."

Behar's criticism of prayer riled co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who challenged the attack.

BEHAR: When prayer takes the place of logical thinking, then I think it's dangerous.

HASSELBECK: Prayer's not illogical.

BEHAR: No. But it takes the place of thinking.

HASSELBECK: No it doesn't. That's a complete bigoted statement to say that when I'm praying, I'm not thinking.

BEHAR: How dare you say that to me! Excuse me!


Now, I was a little bit shocked to see that someone else who has the same issue with religion that I do. It's all boils down to "faith". Many Christians say that I just don't understand it so they will "pray for me" because they are good Christians in an attempt to be sarcastic and passive. When they do that, it's because they don't have an answer. Their answer is faith. It's that feeling of reassurance that they have gotten because of their devotion to something. I can understand that I guess. I FEEL orgasms, but I don't see them but I KNOW they happened. Haha...ok maybe a little extreme, but it made me laugh.

Here's my argument as to why Behar has a good point. Follow me:

Emotions are known to be irrational and therefore illogical. People FEEL faith(which is an emotion). The core of religion is faith. Prayer is a tool people use in religion for religion. A lot of the "miracles" of the Bible cannot be explained (or proven). In times of need and/or desperation people turn to prayer. Prayer gives them an answer. Now, if the answer MAKES sense, then that's fine, but there are times when the answer doesn't make any sense, and the only support for it is religion which is based on faith WHICH is a feeling that is an emotion.

It's the same way people get sucked into cults and business cults(pyramid schemes). There's a need or desperation to change one's circumstances. That's it. People do a lot of things in order to let STRANGERS tell you how to run your life or to make your decisions for you. There are very few people that remember their faith until something serious is happening (ie: life/death scenario, extreme poverty, etc). People even make promises to their god in exchange for a situation turning out favorably for them.

Now I believe there are people out there that this just doesn't apply to. There are some people that are genuinely good "christian" people. I only know a few that apply everything they learn into every aspect of their lives routinely. No matter what. So, in that respect, I can see why prayer is logical to them, but I still have to agree with Behar on this one.

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

This video was really amazing to me. It was long, but worth it. It kinda makes me feel bad that I get down over stupid shit sometimes.


Randy Pausch
(October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008)

Religion and Homosexuality

You and I both know people like in this next video exist in this world, our world. They are filled with so much conviction for their cause that it's really rather scary to know that they actually exist and we are looking at their faces...and their spawn. Spawn? Yea, I know probably a little harsh, but I don't approve of parents teaching their children hate. I don't approve of anyone judging anyone...especially me. Therefore, I think it's rather negative.

Additionally, I am actively trying to dispel the duality of good and evil. It's so ingrained that I rarely realize it. So I wouldn't want to say these people are evil, but to me, they threaten me and stand against everything that I believe in. Therefore, I will call them fanatics and I hope they don't allow their convictions to get the best of them.



This is intense...
Tyra is really gaining points in my book for shows like this.

Here's another one:

(BTW the lady in orange could get it all day!) :) Gay pt #1!!!



and a follow up:

Social experiment

After watching all five parts of the show, I was damn near ashamed of my community. To be honest, I don't feel as if I suffer from these issues because I just...like...women. I don't personally care if you're short, fat, anorexic, buck toothed, bow-legged, or whatever. If I think your "tractor is sexy" then your fuckin' tractor is sexy. Period.

I think labels cripple our community, if anything. It forces us to be in boxes which, in turn, create more opportunity for discrimination and bias.

I never knew Tyra put on these shows. Kudos Tyra.

Revelation...

How can you determine if you've lost yourself? How do you determine if you've slowly given into who you aren't? How do you determine who you are? Is it possible to monitor yourself as you walk through life?

I feel as if I've lost who I am. I feel as if I've given into the same society that forced me to into the person that I loved. I have never taken just one opinion in any situation. I am a collection of influences of everyone and everything new that I encounter and am proud of that. I have always had to fight for things that people were handed, never needing recognition. My satisfaction came from myself. I have lost the most elemental part of who I am because I failed at one thing. I gave into image and cultural boundaries that were set for me that I never once followed, and I can't really explain why.


I grew up in a Jamaican household where the majority of women ended up as housewives(if the family could afford it), nurses, bankers, or teachers. I was taught things like how to cross my legs, how to size my food into small enough chunks before eating it, NOT to whistle, and how NOT to talk. I still know these things and because it was constantly reinforced I find these lessons lingering in the back of my mind as I'm breaking the rules of how to be a lady. I remember how, as a child my father told me to just be around my mother (as she was in the kitchen) instead of being in the garage with him, and how they both had to STRONGLY urge me to play with my dolls. And when I played with my dolls they generally only had sex, and it was generally in an imaginary car or a park. It was the only thing that made it seem more interesting. To be perfectly honest, I liked hanging out with my father because he was more fun and our personalities matched better, and I personally thought my mother was "not a good idea."

In the lesbian community, you'll find that there are a lot of couples that have a masculine female and a more feminine female, and they, a lot of times, dress the respective part. There's a lot of stress put on females to conform to a particular role, complete with their stereotypical hobbies like "studs" like cars, can fix things, and take out the trash, and fems that cook, clean, and "take care of" the stud. There are many arguments that stem from this within the actual community. In my opinion, ideally a lesbian is female that only dates females. The dynamic of needing have a masculine role in the relationship is completely unnecessary, but to each her own. Here's my problem with this:

I tend to sacrifice this very opinion in order to get the girl. There are a lot of studs that will only date fems and vice versa. So a lot of times in order to get the stud, the girl has to act more girly. I have switched up my fashion style...or tried to adopt one, that is. I have done the cooking and the cleaning, and the "help me I don't wanna/can't change my flat tire." I find myself subjecting myself to the same shit hetero bitches do in order to make a man feel like a man. I know how to fix a flat tire, and I know how to check my oil. I lose myself in the idea that if I don't stroke this stud's ego that I'll lose her. When really I'm not being who I really am with her anyway, so the entire relationship is damned before I ever got into it. I'll never actually feel free enough to be myself.

That's fucking deep.

Socialnomics

You can feel the shift, that's why I went looking for it. Socialnomics, a new (at least to me) coined terms that talks about how social media networks are replacing older forms of "hardcopy" media. It's true that in schools, Wikipedia is an acceptable source of information though there are some professors that hate it, mostly because they are actively reject new technologies and restrict their abilities by choosing to be ignorant. I have joked around with my friend about doing "research" which means a less than 1 minute Google search that allows me to sift through the options that "best fit" my search request. People don't really research. Most people, including myself, rarely did book research even when the professor made it required. All you had to do was take one quote from the book, cite it, and bam. The majority of other information was from the net. It was faster, and I didn't have to leave home.

The newspaper industry is seeing a decline in sales, and specifically in the gay community there papers that have been running for decades, like Southern Voice, have shut down. So the question is now, people are able to hide themselves and shut out a lot of information and things they don't want to see, how do we reach everyone? I wouldn't be surprised to see a Social Network Manager pop up in job openings. Someone just to keep things like Twitter, Facebook, MySpace (Screw you Rupert Murdoch!) and YouTube updated throughout the day, everyday. How tedious, but it would be an easy job for the schmuck that literally prefers to do that crap all day, and it would be highly beneficial for businesses.

New artist: Missy Higgins

In 2001 Higgins' sister entered "All for Believing" on her behalf into Unearthed, radio station triple J's competition for unsigned bands. The song won the competition and was added to the station's playlist.^[8] Two record companies showed an interest in Higgins — Sony and Eleven.^[6] She signed with Eleven, a decision partly based on the fact that they were happy for her to take time to backpack around Europe.^[6] Having spent years planning the trip with a friend, she spent most of 2002 in Europe.^[10][11] While she was travelling, a recording of "All for Believing" started to be played by Los Angeles radio station KCRW.^[11] This brought attention from U.S. record labels and, by the end of 2002, an international record deal with Warner Bros.


I think that this is an absolutely beautiful song.

Ethnic hands

Funny story...

My homeboy and I were drunk at a bar, and decided to go to another bar afterward. At this second bar, he got involved in a conversation with two guys. I was completely uninterested in what they were talking about until the very end as we were leaving. One of the two guy said, "I don't like my hands. Look at them! I like my friend's hands though(A white guy). Ugh, I hate my hands. I have ethnic hands." It instantly got my liquored up blood boiling. I ask,"What the hell are ethnic hands?" He responds, while holding up his hands that "his knuckles were large." I told him that race had NOTHING to do that. I'm sure at this point in time my homeboy is realizing that this isn't a good conversation for me to be in, and he gently, but forcefully makes me leave.

It has been weeks, and I'm still bothered by this. Mostly because for me, I have a very specific childhood memory that continues to plague me that came to mind. When I was younger, my sister and I generally got the same dolls, but I always wanted the white doll, even though they were the same doll, made of the same material. Somehow, the color of the doll made it seem better. In that same way, that guy saw his own hands as inferior. He was pointing out normal physical characteristics of hands that he hated.

Sometimes society makes it hard to see similarities in humans. A lot times we are searching to find what's different. Perhaps, a good starting point is searching to find ourselves so that we can appreciate ourselves...everything about ourselves first.