My theory...supported.

I feel completely enlightened by a chapter in a book that I was reading called "The Post-American World" by Fareed Zakaria. Now, about a year ago, I had a theory about where America was headed. It was based off the principle that history repeats itself. It was my theory that, like England, the US would eventually fall to another "#1." England was considered the "father of America" because of where the the discoverers came from and how the country was founded. I proposed that America would inevitably fall to a new #1. I believe that America depended too much on their own reputation, which is fine. Anyhow, I proposed my theory to my favorite professor, and he only recommended that I read this book as a response. I read that chapter called "A Cup Runneth over" and, I believe that it helped me to see what he meant.

Though I traditionally don't tend to focus on any particular coverage from CNN for my news, this guy, Fareed Zakaria, has hit on some major points that I completely agree with. I will quote some things because I think they are particularly relevant to my theory. Starting with:

"Washington, D.C., has become a bubble, smug and out of touch with the outside world." Without much need for explanation, I know that there are many people that would agree with this. The reputation of the United States has preceded us, and we ride it until we are proven wrong. There are just some things that are out of our control because we really don't have the resources to back it up, at least in the long term.

The important thing that I wanted to note was that it's almost like the world wants to create an economic utopia, but secretly they want to be #1. It's a two faced pursuit which breeds mistrust and chaos. No country that is a superpower would really relinquish that title without a fight. It's a Catch 22. I honestly don't think that the US knew what the consequences were when they started the globalization crusade. I think the foundation was based on greed, and now it has backfired. "But now we are becoming suspicious of the very things we have long celebrated - free markets, trade, immigration, and technological change. And all this is happening when the tide is going our way. Just as the world is opening up, America is closing down." "...the United States succeeded in its great and historic mission - it globalized the world. But along the way, [future historians] might write, it forgot to globalize itself." 

I believe it's only a matter of time.

Women studies poetry

Sooo, I just got my old hard drive restored and I found this poem that I wrote for my Women's Studies class. I love it and have been searching for it for a long time now. I have to share.


And if I were subject to genital mutilation, I wouldn’t want any relation with the male sex. Wouldn’t give a damn about whose sex was best. I would only want my strength back. No more attack of my essence, stressing the lesson of women before me. I'm trying to know me for me not for who I’m supposed to be. See, though I’m emancipated, I’s still ain’t free from the tragedy of being lil ol me. Oooh, but just watch me, you can’t see the power of what’s left in me. But unfortunately, I am forced to have two’s me’s, existing because of what society has beat into me, which kept me in the dark along with my abilities, now I’m turning on the light with my vast capabilities. Yep, definitely two me’s complete me, in totality. Wait, but my body…it’s not where it’s supposed to be. So I relaxed, burned, curled, creamed, took that shit to the extreme just to find out that my body wasn't the outlaw, but it outlawed me because of my insane insecurity. One day, it said, “Look at me, cause you haven’t really before. I bet you don’t know why you have on all this shit for. If you’re truly trying to live you’re life honestly, how ‘bout you start by accepting me – your own damn body. You don’t need to do anything else to complete me, I’m you, I just need for you to keep me healthy.”

And if I had the opportunity to run the nation, I wouldn’t consider taxes a donation to fix the fuck-ups from before. I would try to get the economy back to what it was before; I would love to be my country’s whore, especially if the shit worked. I’d twerk my skills on the leaders of other lands, strengthen the grasp of the shake in our hands, and know that should there be trouble; we’d both be doing all that we can. Together, like fam. United cause we give a damn - this is our land. I want us all to survive so that we can later vibe to the rhythms of the earth. Bearing my same flaws from birth, I am aware that there is beauty in girth, and the only bitch that snaps is mother earth. So let’s think rationally, how can we actually be happy when we’re so wrong factually? Living in a duality, morality has been shut out, filled our hearts with doubt of what’s truly real. It’s our time to deal with the fact that the reality we created is surreal. Are you for real? Relativity bends the extremes to where good vs. bad isn’t exactly what it seems, and the decisions we make could possibly leave our hands clean, maybe to you, but not to me. Because in this duality, it’s fucked up everything so far that I’ve seen.

And if I could deal with my hair in a ‘fro, shit, I’d let the whole damn thang go free as it wants to be. Get your hot combs away from me. I’d be the poster child of the seventies, peacin’ it up with the hippies. Free loving with the dickies, and chillin’. Posted, waiting for my slice to be mailed in, by the “better people of this land” cause it’s sure not me. I know what I’m supposed to be, a ladder climber with the rest of the money hungry sheep of this capitalist society. Look out for me, I’ma make my money, so I can be VIP at every damn party. When, really, everyone in the club means shit to me, kinda like at work. I know I’d be CEO if it weren’t for this jerk that keeps stealing my ideas and playin’ it like it’s his own. I get no credit for the ideas that I’ve shown. And I keep getting this eerie feeling like I’m actually falling victim to this undetected “glass ceiling” I’ve been hearing so much about. I don’t believe that it could happen to me, but my lack of progress is filling me with so much doubt that maybe this shit is real. Can you imagine how this makes me feel? I’m independent and strong, and for the same work he gets more, because I wear a thong? Shit, he does too!! What the hell am I supposed to do? Shiver silently underneath floor boards waitin’ for massa to come through? Fuck you! I know what I’m worth, I’m been a growing a success from birth. Stackin’ my millions with information in my head, I know you heard what I said. And I’m not going to stop till my belly’s ‘bout to pop, and I got a phat ass ride that says, “the world’s my bitch” on top. See I know this shit is fate, and it will happen one day…just you wait.

Colombia y Ecuador acuerdan restablecer el contacto diplomático!!!

"Las relaciones entre ambos países se rompieron en 2008 tras una incursión del Ejército colombiano en territorio ecuatoriano para desmantelar un campamento de las FARC"

-El Pais

English: "Colombia and Ecuador agree to reestablish diplomatic contact." 

Wow. I knew they were going to have to do that eventually. It's about time, though I have to admit, I was worried. Lol. Stubborn boys will be stubborn boys, ya know? I had mostly been reading blogs about it, granted they were in Spanish, I highly doubt there are many people that pay attention to it.

This hopefully will work out in Latin America's favor...hopefully.

Jem

This is "They" by Jem.

It's an amazing song. She's new to me. I heard her track on Pandora following Imogen Heap. I love her music as well. 

This Jem woman has her law degree too. That's so great. Earn the titles and the paperwork, but keep your passions closer. 

Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XDxhDbtDak - This is one is called "It's Amazing." It has a good message.

Here are the lyrics for "They"

Jem - They (Space version)

Who made up all the rules?
We follow them like fools,
Believe them to be true,
Don't care to think them through

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

And it's ironic too
'Cause what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?
Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

Who are they?
Where are they?
How do they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

And who are they?
Where are they?
How can they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Lesbian - nonnegotiable...

I probably speak for most lesbians when I say that I'm tired of having to explain my lesbianism, and tired of having men pissed off when they find out that we are gay. I'm tired of having the gay-straight debate. I, like some other unfortunate lesbians, have probably lost friends because of our orientation, it sucks sometimes. It's not a fad. I'm not trying to be cool. I just like women. Period.

There are some women that mess with men, it happens. Doesn't mean they like women any less. I've probably pissed off 64% of the lesbian population with that, but I don't care. Men, you're not going to convince me that I'm rejecting God's will or that the "natural design of the female body" is built for man because in my world - it's DEFINITELY built for women.

Quit debating with me why lesbian sex "doesn't count," and why you think "fuck" isn't an applicable term for lesbian sex either. It's a concept that is hard to accept for some men and women, but deal. My homosexuality doesn't come with an "off" switch.

I, personally, love it.

The open road splits

I took a rather impromptu road trip with some of my friends, and I had an amazing time. I also felt like I was wasting my life, not because they had so much to do, but because this is made my dilemma more apparent. I've been try to figure out between two options for a long time: swallow my life up with work or just do nothing and live a life somewhat resembling a bohemian lifestyle. Here's the interesting thing, I believe I am scared to succeed or fail. I've been living a life in the middle, not really succeeding, not really failing, and to achieve anything other than that is terrifying.

.

.

Anyhow, my trip was a eye opener for me, it gave me an opportunity to rethink so many aspects of my life, just sitting in the back listening to my friends speak incessently about business. It was refreshing, being somewhere that wasn't home, but you can't really travel without money. Business or pleasure?

.

.

I look at this picture and I remember the open road. When I look at it now, it reminds me of the trip and how free I felt. Good times.

Awkward...

Have you been in a situation where you're sitting at a table with all a whole bunch of people and you look around about to take in the fact that it's great being out and around a lot of people...just taking it in, and then you realize - these people really don't even like each other. There's drama everywhere you turn your head.

For example. She's the exgirlfriend of this girl, and she brought the new girlfriend. AWKWARD! Or she doesn't like her because all of the grimey shit she's done to her. AWKWARD! Or she is not talking to her anymore because she's friends with the exgirlfiend. AWKWARD! Or NO ONE is talking to the friend and the new girlfriend except for one friend that clearly has to work hard at trying to make sure they don't feel alienated. You realize that no one is really talking TO each other they talking ABOUT each other via text message like no one notices. It's a waste of time.

Then you look at yourself...you're an ex of the girl that invited you out. The new ex. You're in it. It sucks. And you realize, at that very moment, that you've fucked up. You're not supposed to be there. You're involved in it. It's not just a lesbian thing, it's a human thing.

At what point do you look around the table and figure out if it's even worth it?

Dating strike

I almost want to apologize for this shirt being so lewd, but I think that's why I like it.

Now! I have been thinking a lot about dating, traditional dating, and I hate it. I can't do it. Back when I was working the most HORRIBLE job I've ever had, men would hit on me all the time, pretty much every job I had men were hitting on me even the old, nasty mid-life crisis nasties. I don't mean to sound cocky, hell, at the time I didn't see what the hell they saw in me. Anyway, my excuse for all of these men was that "I was on a dating strike." Was I? No. In fact, chances are I was leaving a woman in my bed or leaving her bed that very morning or two hours before I walked in the door of my job. I have been through every logical excuse to tell men, and that is the best line I've got in my arsenal. Telling guys that you're a lesbian opens the flood gates to either their world of 1) Complete and utter confusion about the topic. 2) Their arousal. 3) Their anger and frustration 4) And the rare occurance of indifference. And don't be fooled, a lot of times they start out with indifference and end up in one of those other categories.

Now, after being SUPERlesbian around my friends, and a lesbi-slut to the lesbian community, I am finding my self at a new intersection. I'm burnt out. I used to be the lesbian advocate, now I just want to say anything. Where I don't want to mess with anyone. Not a soul. Man or woman. I found myself feeling asexual. FYI, the actual definition of asexuality is, according to Wikipedia: "a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or do not have interest in or desire for sex." Cool. I identify with the last part. Reading that BLOWS MY MIND! I couldn't imagine never having experienced sexual attraction. Jeez, I almost don't even want to say anything about it ever again. I whole heartedly think it's GOT to be a phase. I hope. So instead of declaring, yet another sexual orientation label. I am going with a state of mind label. I am on a dating strike...unless she's really hot. Lol.

Lesbian Look

So in my boredom, I went to the Borders bookstore and tried to find their gay/lesbian/transgender section. When I found it about 20 minutes later, it was on one shelf. Upon closer inspection, it didn't even take up the whole shelf, in fact, of the almost 10 books they had it went as follows: a book about Stonewall, 5 or so gay boy books and around 2 lesbian books, no transgender books. Now of the around two lesbian books, one was a book on cunnilingus, and the pictures were of man performing cunnilingus on a woman. How about that? Now this section was cushioned by books about sex because the perceptions of lesbians revolve around three basic ideas: 1) It's for ugly women (the rejects). 2) It's for angry women that have been wronged by men. 3) Two women together are purely for male entertainment. On the left side and below "the shelf" were all books about sex, performing sex, and maximizing her orgasm. On the right, were books discussing the psychology of sexuality. Great. The point I want to make is that basically that the male society just boils lesbians down to being "hot", they (men) get mad about the relationship part of it only when we make it clear that we won't sleep with them, but other than that it's just hot, right?

My opinion....it is hot.

I decided to stake out the "gay section".

**Funny note** when I got to the "sex" section of the bookstore, there was a middle aged white man looking (he had been standing there for a while). He stood there for a while, moving out of my way and apologizing in some type of effort to show that he was ok being there. In no more than 1 minute, he was gone. I almost left so he could have his naughty moment to buy that karma sutra book I know he was eyeing for himself to use on his wife (he QUICKLY passed by later with her), but I didn't. I liked making him feel awkward.**

I saw one female that looked kinda butch make her way over to "the area". I had to find out if she was going to look at "the shelf" to confirm my suspicions. **FYI not all butch looking girls are lesbians** She actually had a comfy spot picked out on the other side of "the shelf", clearly interested in another topic. Hmmm...so after I continued to read a gay/lesbian book for a while. I decided to go and linger in front of the shelf to see if I could strike up a convo. Nothing. Zilch. I even did the sexy reach up for that book on "the shelf", nothing. Funny. I amaze myself sometimes.

NOW the point of this blog was to tell you about a story that enlightened me. The name of the book was called Same Sex in the City I'm sure some of you have heard of it. Anyway, in the first chapter, there was a story from a woman in New York. She said that she dressed up very femininely with the stilettos and dresses and everything, and she always went to these ritzy little debutante social gatherings. Her observation was that she was the only lesbian at the event, mainly because they all dressed girly. However, she pointed out that she clearly looks "straight" too, so perhaps she isn't the only lesbian there after all. I realized that I do that too. I never assume girls that don't look OBVIOUSLY gay are gay. I assume they are straight. I am subjecting them to the same bias that I, myself, am a victim of. How horrible. I'm going to start hitting on/talking to any female I find attractive. They might just think my goodies look tastey too. Haha. I might get told off, but hell at least I tried.

Caged

I feel like I've been able to think about life more and learn about life more because I can take the time to do so. I was talking to a friend of mine, and we were basically talkin about how I just want to get away and leave and travel. After a while, I was trying to persuade her to come with me. She explained to me an aspect of her life that she probably would never share with her family, and that, had I not been reading so much I probably wouldn't have understood. She said to me that she gave so much of herself for so long that she's locked into same obligations for life. Though shes happy she helped them, she wasn't free to live the life that she wanted or wants. I think about my friend. She's pretty much sealed up her life at around the age of 30. She feels limited in ther decisions because of her age. I personally believe that it is precisely her age that should liberate her, but emotions block a lot of things. It's a horrible feeling that I hope never to experience.

I just finished reading a book called The Alchemist. Yes, I heard about the book, but no I never read it. It talked about things that I've been feeling, wanting to just leave. Selling what you have and using it to experience what's out there. I just fear "getting got," rape seems to happen more frequently to women than men(for obvious reasons).It was an inspiring book, and I felt like just selling my car and going on a damn trip. However, reality drags me right back. Now I'm just looking for money to travel. I recommend that if you're looking for something to help you figure out where you want to go with your life next, read the book. I read it in one day.