Jamaica...

I have a friend that loves reggae more than most Jamaicans I know, and while in his car one day he played this song, which also happened to be his favorite.

I realized, after getting past the amazing tune, that not everyone saw Jamaica as I did. They created this song because Jamaica gets it's fame from commercialization. No one sees what I see when I go to Jamaica. True, Jamaica has it's own unique charm, but it took me a while to realize that the charm I love about Jamaica wasn't the charm that other people loved because we were talking about two different Jamaicas.

Anyhow, I wanted to make sure my friend got some recognition for introducing me to the song, but I also wanted to make sure that it is something that is posted on my blog. 

Who's great?

“There are countless ways of attaining greatness, but any road to reaching one's maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence, and a rejection of mediocrity.”

-Buck Rodgers 

What does it take to be “great”?

National recognition, media coverage, author of popular books, worldwide recognition, a hero, a business owner, or perhaps smart on a sheet of paper?

I have attained none of these things, but I feel like “great” is a step away, and when I think I am there I still probably won't feel as if I am.

I think that it's something simple but it's complicated by relativity. For example: “To be great is to achieve your own idea of success.”

Perhaps one doesn't need to have any of those things then. 

Just a thought.

“Man's greatness lies in his power of thought.”
-Blaise Pascal quotes

Sarah Palin supporters unite...in stupidity...

I am completely in utter shock. My skin is crawling, and I can't even put together a coherent sentence of my opinion of this video. 

All I can say is, in all fairness, I'm sure there were Obama/Biden supporters that would sound just as stupid because they just don't care to learn.

Do you think it's human stupidity or American ignorance?

Oh my gosh, I want to forget I ever saw that. It's like a horror movie.

Wait...there's more...



Last one...I promise..



Um...I'm still just speechless. I really even hesitate to put this on my blog. Ugh..my skin is still crawling.

Mute green eyed monster...

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn, Some Fruits of Solitude, 1693

I have realized that I am a jealous person, and not the noticeably jealous, but the silently jealous. The kind that self destructs silently, all by myself. I don't even need help being jealous. I don't need my homegirls/homeboys telling bullshit to exacerbate the feeling, I do it all by myself. At times, I try little screams for attention, but they are rarely ever heard. It's like a messy battle. So to clean up my pitifulness, I allow my pride to step in and conceal the embarrassment. My pride sweeps up the worries and pitiful feelings. My pride edits all my future answers so that it "works." My pride shuts(or creates the illusion that it's shut) the door to the possibility of the object of affection being actually real/feasible. Ha. Take that, Emotion...until next time.  

Just a thought

This is my first time watching the video, and I just noticed a few things.

1. Do you think the reason why she decided to "look the other way" was more a cultural influence, socioeconomic class, or just pain?

2. I would like to think that the first time you notice your significant other "comfy" with another person, it's something you would address adamantly until you were both clear. In the video, it seems like she wanted it to seem as if she just "didn't see anything." I wonder why.

3. At the end, so what happens? She tries to fix her face to do what, welcome him home? To hide the fact that she knows something after he didn't come home all night? Do you think she tries to say something then?

4. The other woman's man seemed ticked off the entire movie too, which leads me to believe that it's either a pride thing, emotionally paining, or cultural thing. Why would he not say something either? Do people just not talk? Weird.

It's a beautiful song, but I really feel as if I was watching a short film and was left hanging.

My theory...supported.

I feel completely enlightened by a chapter in a book that I was reading called "The Post-American World" by Fareed Zakaria. Now, about a year ago, I had a theory about where America was headed. It was based off the principle that history repeats itself. It was my theory that, like England, the US would eventually fall to another "#1." England was considered the "father of America" because of where the the discoverers came from and how the country was founded. I proposed that America would inevitably fall to a new #1. I believe that America depended too much on their own reputation, which is fine. Anyhow, I proposed my theory to my favorite professor, and he only recommended that I read this book as a response. I read that chapter called "A Cup Runneth over" and, I believe that it helped me to see what he meant.

Though I traditionally don't tend to focus on any particular coverage from CNN for my news, this guy, Fareed Zakaria, has hit on some major points that I completely agree with. I will quote some things because I think they are particularly relevant to my theory. Starting with:

"Washington, D.C., has become a bubble, smug and out of touch with the outside world." Without much need for explanation, I know that there are many people that would agree with this. The reputation of the United States has preceded us, and we ride it until we are proven wrong. There are just some things that are out of our control because we really don't have the resources to back it up, at least in the long term.

The important thing that I wanted to note was that it's almost like the world wants to create an economic utopia, but secretly they want to be #1. It's a two faced pursuit which breeds mistrust and chaos. No country that is a superpower would really relinquish that title without a fight. It's a Catch 22. I honestly don't think that the US knew what the consequences were when they started the globalization crusade. I think the foundation was based on greed, and now it has backfired. "But now we are becoming suspicious of the very things we have long celebrated - free markets, trade, immigration, and technological change. And all this is happening when the tide is going our way. Just as the world is opening up, America is closing down." "...the United States succeeded in its great and historic mission - it globalized the world. But along the way, [future historians] might write, it forgot to globalize itself." 

I believe it's only a matter of time.

Women studies poetry

Sooo, I just got my old hard drive restored and I found this poem that I wrote for my Women's Studies class. I love it and have been searching for it for a long time now. I have to share.


And if I were subject to genital mutilation, I wouldn’t want any relation with the male sex. Wouldn’t give a damn about whose sex was best. I would only want my strength back. No more attack of my essence, stressing the lesson of women before me. I'm trying to know me for me not for who I’m supposed to be. See, though I’m emancipated, I’s still ain’t free from the tragedy of being lil ol me. Oooh, but just watch me, you can’t see the power of what’s left in me. But unfortunately, I am forced to have two’s me’s, existing because of what society has beat into me, which kept me in the dark along with my abilities, now I’m turning on the light with my vast capabilities. Yep, definitely two me’s complete me, in totality. Wait, but my body…it’s not where it’s supposed to be. So I relaxed, burned, curled, creamed, took that shit to the extreme just to find out that my body wasn't the outlaw, but it outlawed me because of my insane insecurity. One day, it said, “Look at me, cause you haven’t really before. I bet you don’t know why you have on all this shit for. If you’re truly trying to live you’re life honestly, how ‘bout you start by accepting me – your own damn body. You don’t need to do anything else to complete me, I’m you, I just need for you to keep me healthy.”

And if I had the opportunity to run the nation, I wouldn’t consider taxes a donation to fix the fuck-ups from before. I would try to get the economy back to what it was before; I would love to be my country’s whore, especially if the shit worked. I’d twerk my skills on the leaders of other lands, strengthen the grasp of the shake in our hands, and know that should there be trouble; we’d both be doing all that we can. Together, like fam. United cause we give a damn - this is our land. I want us all to survive so that we can later vibe to the rhythms of the earth. Bearing my same flaws from birth, I am aware that there is beauty in girth, and the only bitch that snaps is mother earth. So let’s think rationally, how can we actually be happy when we’re so wrong factually? Living in a duality, morality has been shut out, filled our hearts with doubt of what’s truly real. It’s our time to deal with the fact that the reality we created is surreal. Are you for real? Relativity bends the extremes to where good vs. bad isn’t exactly what it seems, and the decisions we make could possibly leave our hands clean, maybe to you, but not to me. Because in this duality, it’s fucked up everything so far that I’ve seen.

And if I could deal with my hair in a ‘fro, shit, I’d let the whole damn thang go free as it wants to be. Get your hot combs away from me. I’d be the poster child of the seventies, peacin’ it up with the hippies. Free loving with the dickies, and chillin’. Posted, waiting for my slice to be mailed in, by the “better people of this land” cause it’s sure not me. I know what I’m supposed to be, a ladder climber with the rest of the money hungry sheep of this capitalist society. Look out for me, I’ma make my money, so I can be VIP at every damn party. When, really, everyone in the club means shit to me, kinda like at work. I know I’d be CEO if it weren’t for this jerk that keeps stealing my ideas and playin’ it like it’s his own. I get no credit for the ideas that I’ve shown. And I keep getting this eerie feeling like I’m actually falling victim to this undetected “glass ceiling” I’ve been hearing so much about. I don’t believe that it could happen to me, but my lack of progress is filling me with so much doubt that maybe this shit is real. Can you imagine how this makes me feel? I’m independent and strong, and for the same work he gets more, because I wear a thong? Shit, he does too!! What the hell am I supposed to do? Shiver silently underneath floor boards waitin’ for massa to come through? Fuck you! I know what I’m worth, I’m been a growing a success from birth. Stackin’ my millions with information in my head, I know you heard what I said. And I’m not going to stop till my belly’s ‘bout to pop, and I got a phat ass ride that says, “the world’s my bitch” on top. See I know this shit is fate, and it will happen one day…just you wait.

Colombia y Ecuador acuerdan restablecer el contacto diplomático!!!

"Las relaciones entre ambos países se rompieron en 2008 tras una incursión del Ejército colombiano en territorio ecuatoriano para desmantelar un campamento de las FARC"

-El Pais

English: "Colombia and Ecuador agree to reestablish diplomatic contact." 

Wow. I knew they were going to have to do that eventually. It's about time, though I have to admit, I was worried. Lol. Stubborn boys will be stubborn boys, ya know? I had mostly been reading blogs about it, granted they were in Spanish, I highly doubt there are many people that pay attention to it.

This hopefully will work out in Latin America's favor...hopefully.

Jem

This is "They" by Jem.

It's an amazing song. She's new to me. I heard her track on Pandora following Imogen Heap. I love her music as well. 

This Jem woman has her law degree too. That's so great. Earn the titles and the paperwork, but keep your passions closer. 

Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XDxhDbtDak - This is one is called "It's Amazing." It has a good message.

Here are the lyrics for "They"

Jem - They (Space version)

Who made up all the rules?
We follow them like fools,
Believe them to be true,
Don't care to think them through

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

And it's ironic too
'Cause what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?
Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

Who are they?
Where are they?
How do they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

And who are they?
Where are they?
How can they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Lesbian - nonnegotiable...

I probably speak for most lesbians when I say that I'm tired of having to explain my lesbianism, and tired of having men pissed off when they find out that we are gay. I'm tired of having the gay-straight debate. I, like some other unfortunate lesbians, have probably lost friends because of our orientation, it sucks sometimes. It's not a fad. I'm not trying to be cool. I just like women. Period.

There are some women that mess with men, it happens. Doesn't mean they like women any less. I've probably pissed off 64% of the lesbian population with that, but I don't care. Men, you're not going to convince me that I'm rejecting God's will or that the "natural design of the female body" is built for man because in my world - it's DEFINITELY built for women.

Quit debating with me why lesbian sex "doesn't count," and why you think "fuck" isn't an applicable term for lesbian sex either. It's a concept that is hard to accept for some men and women, but deal. My homosexuality doesn't come with an "off" switch.

I, personally, love it.

The open road splits

I took a rather impromptu road trip with some of my friends, and I had an amazing time. I also felt like I was wasting my life, not because they had so much to do, but because this is made my dilemma more apparent. I've been try to figure out between two options for a long time: swallow my life up with work or just do nothing and live a life somewhat resembling a bohemian lifestyle. Here's the interesting thing, I believe I am scared to succeed or fail. I've been living a life in the middle, not really succeeding, not really failing, and to achieve anything other than that is terrifying.

.

.

Anyhow, my trip was a eye opener for me, it gave me an opportunity to rethink so many aspects of my life, just sitting in the back listening to my friends speak incessently about business. It was refreshing, being somewhere that wasn't home, but you can't really travel without money. Business or pleasure?

.

.

I look at this picture and I remember the open road. When I look at it now, it reminds me of the trip and how free I felt. Good times.

Awkward...

Have you been in a situation where you're sitting at a table with all a whole bunch of people and you look around about to take in the fact that it's great being out and around a lot of people...just taking it in, and then you realize - these people really don't even like each other. There's drama everywhere you turn your head.

For example. She's the exgirlfriend of this girl, and she brought the new girlfriend. AWKWARD! Or she doesn't like her because all of the grimey shit she's done to her. AWKWARD! Or she is not talking to her anymore because she's friends with the exgirlfiend. AWKWARD! Or NO ONE is talking to the friend and the new girlfriend except for one friend that clearly has to work hard at trying to make sure they don't feel alienated. You realize that no one is really talking TO each other they talking ABOUT each other via text message like no one notices. It's a waste of time.

Then you look at yourself...you're an ex of the girl that invited you out. The new ex. You're in it. It sucks. And you realize, at that very moment, that you've fucked up. You're not supposed to be there. You're involved in it. It's not just a lesbian thing, it's a human thing.

At what point do you look around the table and figure out if it's even worth it?

Dating strike

I almost want to apologize for this shirt being so lewd, but I think that's why I like it.

Now! I have been thinking a lot about dating, traditional dating, and I hate it. I can't do it. Back when I was working the most HORRIBLE job I've ever had, men would hit on me all the time, pretty much every job I had men were hitting on me even the old, nasty mid-life crisis nasties. I don't mean to sound cocky, hell, at the time I didn't see what the hell they saw in me. Anyway, my excuse for all of these men was that "I was on a dating strike." Was I? No. In fact, chances are I was leaving a woman in my bed or leaving her bed that very morning or two hours before I walked in the door of my job. I have been through every logical excuse to tell men, and that is the best line I've got in my arsenal. Telling guys that you're a lesbian opens the flood gates to either their world of 1) Complete and utter confusion about the topic. 2) Their arousal. 3) Their anger and frustration 4) And the rare occurance of indifference. And don't be fooled, a lot of times they start out with indifference and end up in one of those other categories.

Now, after being SUPERlesbian around my friends, and a lesbi-slut to the lesbian community, I am finding my self at a new intersection. I'm burnt out. I used to be the lesbian advocate, now I just want to say anything. Where I don't want to mess with anyone. Not a soul. Man or woman. I found myself feeling asexual. FYI, the actual definition of asexuality is, according to Wikipedia: "a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or do not have interest in or desire for sex." Cool. I identify with the last part. Reading that BLOWS MY MIND! I couldn't imagine never having experienced sexual attraction. Jeez, I almost don't even want to say anything about it ever again. I whole heartedly think it's GOT to be a phase. I hope. So instead of declaring, yet another sexual orientation label. I am going with a state of mind label. I am on a dating strike...unless she's really hot. Lol.

Lesbian Look

So in my boredom, I went to the Borders bookstore and tried to find their gay/lesbian/transgender section. When I found it about 20 minutes later, it was on one shelf. Upon closer inspection, it didn't even take up the whole shelf, in fact, of the almost 10 books they had it went as follows: a book about Stonewall, 5 or so gay boy books and around 2 lesbian books, no transgender books. Now of the around two lesbian books, one was a book on cunnilingus, and the pictures were of man performing cunnilingus on a woman. How about that? Now this section was cushioned by books about sex because the perceptions of lesbians revolve around three basic ideas: 1) It's for ugly women (the rejects). 2) It's for angry women that have been wronged by men. 3) Two women together are purely for male entertainment. On the left side and below "the shelf" were all books about sex, performing sex, and maximizing her orgasm. On the right, were books discussing the psychology of sexuality. Great. The point I want to make is that basically that the male society just boils lesbians down to being "hot", they (men) get mad about the relationship part of it only when we make it clear that we won't sleep with them, but other than that it's just hot, right?

My opinion....it is hot.

I decided to stake out the "gay section".

**Funny note** when I got to the "sex" section of the bookstore, there was a middle aged white man looking (he had been standing there for a while). He stood there for a while, moving out of my way and apologizing in some type of effort to show that he was ok being there. In no more than 1 minute, he was gone. I almost left so he could have his naughty moment to buy that karma sutra book I know he was eyeing for himself to use on his wife (he QUICKLY passed by later with her), but I didn't. I liked making him feel awkward.**

I saw one female that looked kinda butch make her way over to "the area". I had to find out if she was going to look at "the shelf" to confirm my suspicions. **FYI not all butch looking girls are lesbians** She actually had a comfy spot picked out on the other side of "the shelf", clearly interested in another topic. Hmmm...so after I continued to read a gay/lesbian book for a while. I decided to go and linger in front of the shelf to see if I could strike up a convo. Nothing. Zilch. I even did the sexy reach up for that book on "the shelf", nothing. Funny. I amaze myself sometimes.

NOW the point of this blog was to tell you about a story that enlightened me. The name of the book was called Same Sex in the City I'm sure some of you have heard of it. Anyway, in the first chapter, there was a story from a woman in New York. She said that she dressed up very femininely with the stilettos and dresses and everything, and she always went to these ritzy little debutante social gatherings. Her observation was that she was the only lesbian at the event, mainly because they all dressed girly. However, she pointed out that she clearly looks "straight" too, so perhaps she isn't the only lesbian there after all. I realized that I do that too. I never assume girls that don't look OBVIOUSLY gay are gay. I assume they are straight. I am subjecting them to the same bias that I, myself, am a victim of. How horrible. I'm going to start hitting on/talking to any female I find attractive. They might just think my goodies look tastey too. Haha. I might get told off, but hell at least I tried.

Caged

I feel like I've been able to think about life more and learn about life more because I can take the time to do so. I was talking to a friend of mine, and we were basically talkin about how I just want to get away and leave and travel. After a while, I was trying to persuade her to come with me. She explained to me an aspect of her life that she probably would never share with her family, and that, had I not been reading so much I probably wouldn't have understood. She said to me that she gave so much of herself for so long that she's locked into same obligations for life. Though shes happy she helped them, she wasn't free to live the life that she wanted or wants. I think about my friend. She's pretty much sealed up her life at around the age of 30. She feels limited in ther decisions because of her age. I personally believe that it is precisely her age that should liberate her, but emotions block a lot of things. It's a horrible feeling that I hope never to experience.

I just finished reading a book called The Alchemist. Yes, I heard about the book, but no I never read it. It talked about things that I've been feeling, wanting to just leave. Selling what you have and using it to experience what's out there. I just fear "getting got," rape seems to happen more frequently to women than men(for obvious reasons).It was an inspiring book, and I felt like just selling my car and going on a damn trip. However, reality drags me right back. Now I'm just looking for money to travel. I recommend that if you're looking for something to help you figure out where you want to go with your life next, read the book. I read it in one day.

Goodbye Djarums!!!

So, anyone who knows me knows that the ONLY cigarettes I smoke are Djarums. I have had a love affair with these for years now, I think it was first introduced to me by the first woman who had me sprung. *sigh* Anyhow, I received the horrible news that all flavored cigarettes weren't going to be allowed to be sold in the entire United States after September 22, 2009. I am heartbroken. I started out with Marlboro lights, and it was just that for a while. Then came the Djarums, and the sweet taste on my lips the smooth inhale made everything so much better. In the lesbian world, it made it a lot easier point out which women were gay because those cigarettes are very prevalent in the lesbian community. Now I'm being reduced to rainbow bracelets. I'm never going to get a female again.

Now I was told by a white woman who lives in the country and owns a cigar shop. Apparently she was the only one that carries cloves in the whole town. She said that "Obama thinks that flavored cigarettes are the reason how young people start smoking." Now, her biases are rather obvious, and I would reason to assume that she CLEARLY did not want Obama in the Oval office. So, I will do some research to see exactly how biased she was/is.

I am so hurt that my cigarettes are going away. Should I buy in bulk or should I just try to fade it out from now?

My rut...

I’m just in the mood to write…about nothing in particular really, just wanted to type. I can’t clear my head so maybe if I keep writing it might. There have been a couple things that come to mind when as I’ve been doing nothing all day. One is why is it that I have to live two separate lives because I’m gay. I’m starting to lose track of all the lies I’ve told…which is really bad because I really hate to lie. I don’t know who it’s ok to tell the truth to, when it’s ok to come out to them, and if it’s ok to finally the truth to people after I’ve lied already.

Facebook is a hell of a website. I just was looking some pictures of a guy I used to date when I was straight a couple of years ago, and I saw his friend. This friend was a horrible human being. He purposefully got my drunk and tried to take advantage of me on more than one occasion. He was the antagonist of this teen movie, just creating drama and tension because he was jealous. Jealous of his best friend. He was responsible for a lot of unnecessary tears, a lot of lies that he started, and for the “incomplete” feeling. You know that feeling when you’re never quite sure what could have happened has that one thing happened? Yea, that feeling. Would I have still been dating the guy? Would I still just be “bi curious”? I feel like posting his miserable picture up here, but it’s not necessary.

I’ve moved back home because basically, I hated my job and wanted to quit so badly. So basically, I pursued anything/anyone that would return my call. Haha. Another sales job. Personally, I hate sales, but I felt like I needed to justify my actions so I made a commitment to do it, and I haven’t made any strides because I don’t want to do it either. Sad huh? I am just lounging about all day. Yes, I still have bills to pay. But I could technically live on 200 bucks a month. Here’s the thing I wanted to travel, I wanted to be able to save and now I have to figure out the best way to do this. Part time job? Full time job and save? Hmmmm….not sure. A full time job would help me to save a lot more a lot faster. And I could budget so that my “rent” would be my savings…Hard part is finding the job. Haha….shame.

I feel really lame, like I’ve failed. I never wanted to move back home ever. I made the vow with myself. Obviously broke that. The air doesn’t work, and if it did, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t use it. There are always bugs, just everywhere. They are dead, but they are everywhere. There are ants everywhere outside, like the big red ones. I’m just grossed out, and because it’s so hot all the time, I feel gross and dirty all the time. Yea, I’m not paying rent, but it sure doesn’t feel like a free ride. Maybe I could work on it, but that’d take a lot of money. A lot of money.

I feel like I just start and stop everything. I never finish anything anymore, and it’s bloody annoying. Maybe I should make a commitment to finish whatever I start that way I start trusting what I say more, for myself. No matter how tedious and gross.

Deprivation

Sex, love, money, alcohol.

These things make the world go around for me and many others that I know. From the beginning, people have been telling me the if I followed a certain path, my life would pan out. There wouldn't be any hinderences or extreme obstacle to block my idea of happiness. I sat down with two of my friends, and were bowled over this topic for a while, trying to carefully choose our words. All three of us had graduated, it was rather close together, but still at different times. I began to explain to the anger and disappointment of how life was supposed to be. I argued that NO ONE told me growing up that even if you did everything that you're supposed to do to have a successful life doesn't mean you actually do. They lied and built me up for a future that might never be. My parents showed me houses that I might never, learned about professions that I might never get an opportunity to be, and gave me a false reality about my own potential to secure a happy stable future. College created a world for me that I never knew was out there. A world that included all those things I started this entry with.

I have made a plethora of mistakes based on the fact that I have felt deprived of them. I have made many decisions in order to get these things back, no matter the consequences. Because of these decisions, I found myself at a crossroad trying to figure out what my path is now, and who I want to be. Does everyone soul search after college?

The way I feel now is basically that I want all those things still, but none of them at the same time. I am in a state of unhappiness.

I firmly believe that my personality breeds and desires masochism. Generally, I am the one who gets asked to stay after class, that gets called out at comedy clubs, who is expected to be the main contributor of excitement and amusement whenever other people are boring enough. That is me. It does suck. It makes people think they are in love and, at the same time, make people think that you're a whore, a slutty social butterfly because you're not afraid of opening your mouth and saying whatever comes out...

Some people live their entire lives NOT opening their mouth because of the result, but I think that's a horrible way to live. Why would I not say what I'm feeling? That almost gives the illusion that what I have to say isn't as important as the reaction that it might cause from anyone else that might receive it. I honestly wouldn't hold anyone's opinion or feelings over mine because we are all human, as lowly as it is to be, and in the end our opinions don't really matter. What matters are the established opinions that some people feel better abiding by.

Hell, my actions abide by accepted rules, but my mind doesn't. THAT is the strongest form of resistance in all of that bull. I can physically follow what people have accepted as law because it allows to me to exist in my society, but I actually strongly disagree with the majority of the shit that people say and TEACH becuase it is, precisely, shit. I think for myself and will to suffer at the hands of my own convictions and will continue to feel the repercussions of my personality (as wonderful, lively, and optimistic as it is) and will continue to enjoy the creations of my own mind and ideas.

FUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Healthcare...what is the truth? What do you agree with?

Now, I've never really paid too much attention to Michael Moore, basically because I assumed that he was a man that just got paid advocating his skewed perception on...everything!

However, this interested me: Health care in Cuba




Now here's a counter: Interesting...


What about in the UK?


[Current exchange from XE.com]

Live rates at 2009.03.05 14:45:09 UTC
100,000.00 GBP	=	141,075.07 USD
United Kingdom Pounds		United States Dollars
1 GBP = 1.41075 USD		1 USD = 0.708842 GBP

Not $200,000 dollars...maybe back then.

How about bills?




Weird right?

There is a whole other form of world that though I knew facts about it, I never really thought about it as an actual concept.

Here's the thing. I've actually wanted to move to London for a while now, but am to scared shitless too do it. Anyhow, I've been trying to wrap my mind around this "other world". Now here's my question, though it might be a silly one. Is it possible to have a society that functions well and actually cares about the people too? For example, having a national healthcare system but can still have a competitive market? I suppose not, because how would the pricing go? How would the money work itself out. My problem with this is that I prefer that everyone have an opportunity to live, no matter what. I think London has it right. I don't know about Cuba, they have other major restrictions that I am not OK with.

My professor told that because of privatization it makes owning a business is a lot tougher. I think, at the moment, living is a lot tougher. I believe that America has become so obsessed with making money that we are forgetting the most important aspects of life. In America, cheating, stealing, or taking advantage of someone is now so common that it is UNcommon to actually do the right/moral thing. It's a shame. I am tired of continually feeling like I have to keep looking over my shoulder and not being willing to take opportunities because I don't want to become a victim of a scam or involved in a scam without realizing it. I fail to see the opportunity that America once stood for. I'm NOT saying that in other countries they have a utopia, I'm just saying that there are different strokes for different folks, and for me I would like to live in a society that promotes LIVING not just living if you have enough money.

America is an individualistic society, and now because we are so focused on money, we have lost sight of what the "individual" is. Thus, losing sight of the idea of our nation. I think our system needs to prove that it's better.

Do movies depict or dictate a society's perception?

So, I was talking to my friend and she made a comment that I took completely personal. From I could remember, there has been a fine line defining where I “fit in” or rather don’t. I have been too “white” to be “black” and too “black” to be “white.” There was a commercial that came on television for a movie about Notorious BIG, and she became really exited and told me that she wanted to see it. Naturally, that meant the she wanted me to go with her to see. I, particularly, had no interest in seeing the movie. She proceeded to tell me that she knew I wouldn’t want to see it because it was a “black movie.”

WTF, people?! She continued that if there’s a movie with black people in it then I don’t want to see it, and that I only want to see “white” movies.

I have a strong point of view on this topic because it has plagued my existence for the majority of my life. It boils down to the fact that there are particular interests that people have categorized into races. FOR EXAMPLE: If someone likes classical music, speaks properly adhering to grammatical guidelines/rules, and likes to read, they are classified as stereotypically white. If someone likes rap music, uses slang, likes to smoke weed, and constantly wears braids, they are stereotypically black. This is absurd. Anyway, this is part of the key that perpetuates the racial divide in our society.

Racially stereotypical movies are everywhere, and NOT just in movies but in TV sitcoms as well. There are two aspects that I want to point out: the plot and characters. The plot of stereotypical black movies is that there are generally there is someone always trying to work their way up the “financial ladder”, maybe not in tiers, but in theory. In stereotypical white movies, the plots vary a lot more. As far as the character’s characteristics, in “black” movies, generally rich black characters are the antagonists. They black men cheat, leave, and/or beat their significant other. Most wealthy black people have done the wrong things to get to the level of success that they have. Therefore the idea of black successful people tends to have a negative connotation associated with it. The movie is generally faith-based, and people use more slang. There, of course, are always exceptions like Two Can Play that Game. In white movies there, of course, can have similar themes and plots, but there are also MANY other movies that don’t have these elements in the movie or sitcom.

My friend started to say that the reason why I wouldn’t want to see “black movies” is because of the way that I was brought up. My lifestyle. She believed that I don’t like those movies because I didn’t live that life. It was then assumed that just because I didn’t have a life like hers or close to hers that I had a “white” life. Which is a negative comment for me because I’m black regardless of background.

My point of view was, and is, that these stereotypical movies of “black” though they are generally funny, help to give black people a perception that rich is negative, and only through miracles, will their situation actually change for the better. They never credit themselves because of religious convictions, which is fine. I am not getting into a religious debate. I hate to see the stereotypes in films, so I don’t like to watch them.

This all stemmed from the fact that I didn’t want to watch the Notorious BIG movie. HAD she asked why, I would have told her that the reason why I didn’t want to see the movie is because I’m a

Tupac fan!

What's MY motivation?

Where is my motivation? I don't particularly care to do anything, but want SOMETHING good to happen to my life. I feel as if i deserve it, but I suppose everyone does. My professor says that my forte are people, but I also can't stand them. I have absolutely no real interest in the grand population of people. I mean, half of everyone I meet feels as if no one has ever met anyone else like them, like they are special. Well, they aren't. Hell even I'm not. Everyone always tries to put that same scenario back on me as if I'm going to change my answer. Truth is, just like I don't care about the vast majority of people, I'm sure the feeling is mutual. There are probably only select few people I might care about in anyway, and maybe that is reciprocated.

So, I've gotten to the point now where I just don't give a damn. My self-esteem is shot. My confidence is shot, and my faith in people in general have been severely diminished. And so now, I'm supposed to think well of the future?! Why the hell for?! I have no motivation to finish anything, to succeed, to compete, or to care. Therefore, my options stay limited, because I am not motivated to try and fix it.

I am a hater. Yes, I "hate" on the people that have had easier lives than I do that don't even know what they truly get to enjoy. I wonder if they even care? Are they all selfish? Are they good people that somewhat understand what the REAL world is about? I hate how selfish wealthy people are. HAVE YOU REALIZED that rich people stay stingy, frugal, and selfish while the less wealthy share their assets? I think it's a matter of perception and habit. WHY the hell would a rich person even know how to share? Poorer people DEFINITELY know that shit, and if they don't, they will. Trust that. How horrible! They are horrible. Yes, I'm hating, and will continue to do so.

Lesbian VS Penis

Just to be clear for all people who are curious.

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE (AS FAR AS EMOTIONALLY) BETWEEN DATING MEN AND WOMEN!!!!

Here's the thing. We are all human. Just because some have penises and some have vaginas doesn't mean that we are any better or any worse because of our gender. Don't kid yourself. All people suck and some just happen to suck less or more than others.

Just saying...

Jobs and Managers

So I'm sure the rest of the world is going through some craziness with our economy. I, fortunately, have a job, but I hate it. I feel as if I sold my soul to finish college...and I did. Now I'm stuck at a job selling credit cards that probably won't get approved because of our economy, and that no one wants. I refuse to try to cheat people, so even though I work for 7-9 hour days, I might end up with less than $50. I don't get paid for my time, I get paid on commission. Those are the worst jobs ever known to man. I have a job, but what's the point if I can't even pay my bills. This is retarded. ON TOP OF IT ALL, my managers are locas!!! They are bipolar and unfair, and have less experience working than I do. I know proper decorum, and they apparently missed that part of the "no" training. It's sad. They curse, they are condescending, they get personal, and feel completely justified in their behaviour. I believe that I have one of the worst jobs ever. I wonder, when taken out of their little world, how well they will be able to handle it. I am disappointed in the fact I sold out to accomplish my goals. I suppose this is the punishment.